Restlessness...

...is exactly what I'm feeling right now. Why? Beats the crap out of me. For some insane reason I wanna chuck my (brand spankin' new) laptop out the window and just walk out of the office.

Must be the fact that it's a Friday. I think I just need to disconnect from work for a while and just...I don't know, walk around the mall and vege a bit.

Given my state of restlessness, I think I shall blog about a multitude of things.

The need to impulse buy something techy.
Yes, I'm quite proud of myself coz I haven't bought a tech item...actually, ANYTHING...on impulse since last year. I do believe my last impulse purchase was my DSLR, which make it a YEAR since I bought anything on impulse.

Don't get me wrong. This is a good thing. Good because it allows me to save up on money as opposed to buying something that's nice-to-have but ultimately could've waited.

It's a bad thing because a) it shows that I'm getting old (dammit) by being mature over my expenses, and b) since I haven't done this is a long time, I might end up making a BIG impulse purchase to make up for the lost time.

I actually have a hypothesis as to why I'm feeling this way. Which leads to...

I need a new mobile phone, and the N97 is taking forever to arrive.
I have 2 phones (the left and the right...eh heh), one for my work life and one for my personal life. My work phone is about 1.3 years old (and looks like it's 13 years old due to heavy usage) and is working perfectly (you gotta love Nokia Communicators). My personal phone is 2.5 years old (or so) and looks like it's 25 - my beloved N95. The reason why I still haven't bought something to replace it is because it took Nokia bloody 2.5 years to come up with something new and exciting enough to actually WANT it to be replaced. And it's taking the N97 forever to show up (it's coming in July according to my good old friends in Nokia regional and global). Sure, I was toying with the idea of getting an Xperia X1, but the WinMo 6.1 was a turnoff (so that throws the HTC line out the window) and Samsung Omnia HD was coming out at the same time as the N97, so...

Bottomline: July better hurry up.

My new office laptop rocks.
The good old office was considerate enough to provide me with a newer lighter more powerful laptop to replace the one I had which was HEAVY. Given my scoliosis, they immediately purchased a new one.

It helps that one has LT backing behind requests such as these mwehehe.

They gave me an HP EliteBook 2530p and it's a nice upgrade to my previous laptop, the Compaq 6150c. Running on Centrino 2, sporting more memory, a DVD-RW, and (I kid you not) an integrated light bulb to use when it's too dark to see your keyboard, it's light enough at 3.75lbs to avoid backbreaking instances yet powerful enough to run WOW at decent speeds and graphic levels.

Good thing the office gave me a pretty damn good laptop, or I would've been tempted to buy a personal laptop...

Running running running
Good for my health (keeps up the trend on my weight loss), good for my wallet (running is cheaper than going out!), good for my back (it strengthens my back muscles, especially the ones along the spine), and good for the environment (running's better than gas guzzling around the city!). Must keep it up!

Honesty

One of the decisions I made when I decided to live again was to be as honest as possible - to others and to myself especially. My principle in life is "honesty, in the long run, will always be better."

Honesty is difficult...hence the phrase "as possible." Not that it's a blanket excuse that I utter every time I find myself in a situation where I chose to not become honest. But admittedly, honestly is difficult. You're sometimes torn between being honest for the sake of your principles OR potentially lying because a) it would be easier for you, or b) you feel it's what the person needs.

Let me try to tackle those 2 things one by one:
1. It would be easier for you.
Let's face it - 90% of the times that we're not honest is because it would be so much easier for us. Heck, I'm guilty of this. I must admit, sometimes it would be so much easier for me to tell my folks a white lie or two when I'm going out, just to save myself the trouble of getting a mini-sermon. Or it would make my life easier at work if I told a little white lie. It's quick, it's easy, it saves you time and effort, it saves your reputation, etc.

But just because it's quick and easy for you doesn't mean it's wrong.

Ok, hell no am I going to be preachy and tell everyone to stop saying white lies...for one thing, I'm guilty of this myself, and there is no way in hell that I have sufficient moral authority to do so. I can't even get myself to stop this, what more others?

But getting used to being dishonest because it would be easier for you is a slippery slope. Kinda like drugs. You start with something weak and easy ("don't panic, it's organic!") and then you start moving on to the bigger heavier things.

Getting used to being dishonest because it makes things easier for you is a dangerous path to walk. It'll eventually lead to bigger things. Pretty soon, you'll cross a line which you never thought you would all in the name of "convenience."

I'm trying to lessen this. "Trying" being the operative word. It helps that I have a much better and closer relationship to my family and close friends now - I can be much more open about what I think and feel and, contrary to my earlier feelings, I never get judged for it. True, sometimes it gets me in hot water, but hey, at the end of the day, the feeling of being honest truly compensates for any trouble I might have gotten into.

2. You feel it's what the other person needs.


Ah, here's a more difficult moral decision. Do you lie because you think the truth will hurt the person, whether emotionally (simply by knowing the truth) or physically (because the act of telling the truth will potentially cause damage or pain or injury to the person) or intellectually (because the truth will set into motion a series of events which will lead the person to doubting him/herself)? This is indeed a tough call to make. There are a myriad of factors to consider, and no two situations are the same. So making the blanket statement "you should always tell the truth, no matter the potential consequences" isn't really applicable right?

In my personal opinion, I disagree.

My principle stays the same: honesty, in the long run, will always be better. No matter how much one justifies it, no matter how much one thinks about it, in the end, there is no reason that will justify a lie. Even if you think or feel that it's what the person needs.

For one thing, who are we to judge what is better for the other person? True, there may be exceptions in certain cases (e.g. a parent deciding for a child who's not yet emancipated), but by and large, who are we to position ourselves as someone who decides what's good or bad for someone?

Remember, that person whom you're thinking of telling a lie to does not have the full and complete picture. Hence he/she may make ill-informed decisions that affect the rest of his/her life. Were we not taught in school that decisions are best made when all available information is brought out into the open?

This reason, for me, is very difficult because most of the times the decision to not be honest (in these kinds of situations) is made with (hopefully) the very best of intentions. I do not judge these people to be evil. After all, who would want to see someone hurt, whether physically or emotionally? No one, save for the most evil of people, wants to see other people hurt. Especially if it's a family member or a loved one. Hence sometimes they decide to be dishonest to "spare the other person the pain."

But doesn't that justification fall under reason number 1? That the reason why you're not saying the truth is because YOU don't want to feel bad about causing pain or trouble to the other person? That it makes it easier for you since you don't have to put yourself through the pain and guilt of seeing the other person be affected by this?

Not an easy thing huh? Trust me, I'm getting a headache myself going through this moral quandary.

But at the end of the day, this moral quandary can be avoided with one simple act: tell the truth. The complete and utter truth. True, you may end up hurting the other person - but at least the person knows the truth. The person will eventually face up to it anyway - which means the pain will always be there. I think one reason why people decide to do this is because they sometimes underestimate the mettle of the people they decide to tell the lie to. In my opinion, and in my own personal experience, people are a lot tougher than they appear to be. Trust them enough that they can handle the truth and the consequences of learning about it.

Of course, there is a right place and right time to tell the truth (you don't tell someone something life changing while he/she's in the middle of a huge meeting of course!), but at the end of the day, the painful truth will always be better than a lie told in the name of "not getting the other person hurt."

Ok, enough introspection for one day. This is what I get for waking up at ungodly hour on a Saturday. *yawn*




*image credit: www.lolcats.com

The Prequel to the Prequel...which is actually a sequel

Ok, confusing title, I know.

I had some questions about the latest Star Trek movie...
...how did the Narada, a mining ship, manage to beat off 47 Klingon warbirds and 7 Starfleet vessels...?
...if a supernova destroyed Romulus, why didn't anyone get enough warning time to evacuate, like, I don't know, a couple of hundred million years advanced warning...?
...why didn't the Vulcans have any orbital defenses...?
...where were the 6 billion Vulcans...?

Apparently JJ Abrams released "Countdown" a comic that tells the story of everyone the start of the movie. The story actually begins 8 years after the events in the movie Star Trek: Nemesis and does a fine job of answering some of the questions above.


Next up is an analysis on the military aspects of the movie - which, as cool as it looked like, was actually...er, pathetic.

Yes, my geekiness is in full swing!

*image credit: startrek11.blogspot.com

Movie Review: Star Trek

Yes, my geekiness will really come out in this post. Consider yourself forewarned.

Let's get one thing straight: I loved the movie. I really admire JJ Abrams for being able to turn a cult classic into something that appeals to both the mainstream crowd (some who have never even seen a Star Trek movie!) and the geeks (such as myself). Action packed yet has just enough emotional scenes (both sad and funny) to make the characters all the more real. Which is important, because what made Star Trek so famous was not really the technology - it's really about the characters and how they used the technology in the story.


But, as I'm a geek, there are quite a few inconsistencies with generally accepted Star Trek canon - though in no way do these inconsistencies rob the story of it's greatness.

1. The U.S.S. Enterprise was built in spacedock, not on Earth - starships in the time of Jim Kirk, especially starships in the Constellation class (of which the original Enterprise is from), are not capable of surviving atmospheric flight - one reason being their weight. Also, it was generally considered to be much safer to have it built in orbit because of the extremely hazardous nature of dilithium crystals (which powers the warp core, which is the reason why starships can travel faster than light) which would potentially cause havoc on the planet. Even in the Enterprise D (commanded by Jean-Luc Picard some hundred years in the future from Kirk) could not survive atmospheric flight, though the saucer section could survive long enough to make planetfall - though it could never fly again under its own power.

2. Starfleet never had "rapid-fire" torpedoes - space combat in the movie was a chaotic thing, filled with phasers firing constantly and torpedoes being launched in rapid-fire. Starfleet never had rapid-fire torpedoes, and the original Enterprise only had 1 torpedo launcher (forward launcher). The Enterprise D has 4 photon torpedo launchers - 2 fore, 2 aft.

3. Each ship during Kirk's time had their own logo - Starfleet only adopted the use of Enterprise's logo AFTER Kirk made the ship famous, unlike in the movie, when Starfleet was using the Enterprise logo as the official logo.

4. The original Enterprise only had room for 2-3 shuttles at the most - yet in the movie, we saw about 6-8 shuttles docking in the shuttle bay.

5. The original Enterprise did not have "touchpads" for controls, just keys and buttons - Uhura preferred keys and buttons because you knew that when you clicked something, it actually was done, as opposed to touchpads where you didn't know it was being done.

6. Engineering was not that big - the engineering room was portrayed as a...well, HUGE room filled with large tanks and the likes. It was only in Enterprise D that engineering had a 2-level room, the original Enterprise just had a smaller room to begin with.

7. Each starship only carries one warp core - not multiple ones as in the movie. The dumping of a warp core was a last ditch safety measure in case the warp core was going to go critical - and there's only one (as multiple warp cores don't necessarily mean faster travel).

But beyond those inconsistencies (hell, Gloria didn't know anything about them yet she enjoyed the movie!), the movie was absolutely great. :) Kudos to JJ Abrams for a job well done. Now, I wonder what's going to happen with the sequel...

Of apothecaries, boxers, and a diabolical plan

After suffering for about a week or so of steady tooth pain, I was felled by an astronomical level of HURT last Wednesday night by my tooth. So much so that I had to a) take a sick leave from work and NOT work from home (that has only happened once before, if I remember correctly), b) take a double dose of anti-pain meds (I felt like Gregory House when I popped in those pain pills), and c) cover my head with a pillow as I moaned out loud in pain (I never do).

Ah yes, Wednesday night was hell. I had a feeling that 1 of the 4 nerves in my tooth died on me.

I rushed to get my panoramic x-ray and made an immediate appointment with my dentist. I was really dreading the visit - aside from my innate fear of dentists, I was going to get a root canal for the first time in my life. I've heard all the horror stories and, quite frankly, I was quaking in my boots.

Gail was so sweet, she dumped all her work on that Thursday to accompany me to my x-ray and my back doctor (more on that later) and on Saturday, May 2, she walked with me into the dentist's clinic to get my root canal, which I anticipated to last about 3 hours.

The procedure took less than an hour, it was done so excellently that I felt only a small amount of pain (more of discomfort actually), and I actually survived the procedure. My dentist was just AWESOME. I highly recommend him. Pricey (thank god for medical insurance!) but well worth the expense. He was just absolutely awesome. Case in point, he had me so relaxed during the operation, I was able to check my Facebook while I was having the procedure.

I have to go back for a couple of more visits just to make sure that the canal's all cleaned up before he puts a permanent cap. And I might have to get my wisdom tooth extracted because it's impacting my affected tooth. But I feel so much more relaxed now.

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Part of my Thursday medical day was to get my x-rays checked by a back specialist. I think I'm lucky with doctors - after getting an awesome dentist, I get an awesome back doctor. Think of him as Gregory House, but minus the perpetual pain and cane. He's obviously smart, he's straight to the point, he explains things sufficiently enough to satisfy the geek in me.

Of course, my folks don't really like what he recommended as an ultimate solution, but they were reassured by his calm confident demeanor. I'm going to get myself a gajillion more opinions, but if ever things progress, I want THIS apothecary working on me.

Gail was again sweet enough to accompany myself and my mom during this visit. I'm happy that my folks, especially my mom, gets to meet and talk and spend more time with Gail. When things progress and get...er, official, I really would like my folks and Gail to really know each other.

More on my back once I get more info!

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I won't write much about the very...er, short Pacquiao-Hatton fight, since it a) lasted just 2 rounds, and b) it wasn't really a fight. It was a massacre. That was like pitting one Imperial Guard soldier vs one Adeptus Astartes. It was one-sided.

So, who's next for the Imperial Fist Manny Pacquiao?

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Gail has activated her diabolical plan. I am flabbergasted, awed, happy, nervous, and most of all, humbled. All I can say is that it's going to be an interesting time, to say the least.

Shooting in the RAW

No, that doesn't mean I'm going to be doing a photography shoot in my birthday suite. :P

I'm going to be shooting for Gail again tonight at her Wine Event, but this time, I'm going to be shooting it in RAW format (ok fine, along with an L sized .jpg file as a backup in case I screw up in post-processing). You see, I decided to really take these events as serious practice sessions - in previous events, I would merely focus on getting the right composition and lighting. Now I've decided to really treat it super seriously even from a post-processing standpoint.

I always thought that shooting in the RAW just meant a fantastically large file with absolutely no benefit - then I started expermenting. You see, shooting in RAW format (.cr2) means that the camera processor doesn't do any processing and compression (hence the large file size) as it writes the image to the memory card. It writes the image as it sees it, which allows for better flexibility in post-processing. You get to apply and fine-tune your WB settings, your RGB settings, and even color saturation.

Hopefully, this *should* make my pictures look so much better, as I'll be relying on my judgment in post-processing as opposed to just letting the camera do all the work. This will involve more effort on my part, but hey, I *did* promise myself I'd take this as a serious hobby.

A thousand thanks to Gail for letting me moonlight as a photographer in her events! W00t! :D

Save our language!

Yes, and this comes from a MASS COMM graduate.

God save our language.

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hi XXX! hhhm, im speaking for myself. i dont know what te XXX or te XXX thinks.
but id be willing to give cscst until tuesday. let's see muna.
ung swu, wala na rin e. so, lets see kung what cscst can produce.
please follow up them next week ha.

ang poster.. te XXX, in-corporate nlng nato ang design sa ubos na gi-make ni XXX ug katong sa edited nga logo something ni rankine.
kay ang ka-XXX, nana man mga details. whatchathink??

XXX XXXXXX XXXXX XXXX
BA Mass Communications
University of the Philippines

Fussing

During my 41 hours in Baguio during the past Holy Week, my cousin Brian infected me (yes, INFECTED is the right term since he sneezed in my direction) with the colds and cough and fever. So I was sick on Sunday and Monday, being sufficiently wasted to actually leave the office early on Monday. Before I went home, Gail brought me to her place and prepared some chicken soup for me and generally fussed over me since she was concerned over my being sick.

Prior to this, during my first karting experience, I accidentally brushed my right forearm against the engine as I was getting up (I didn't really trust the steering wheel to be able to handle my....er, gravity pull so to speak) and, as a result, got a very small first degree burn that's about the diameter of a 1-peso coin. Gail had us stop by Mercury Drug (since she was out of betadine and big bandaids at home and Doc Harry, much to his chagrin, did not carry a sample in his pocket...MEDIC!!!!!) to get some supplies then we went over to her place where she cleaned my wound, applied betadine, and put some bandages over the wound so it would be protected.

In a nutshell, she's been fussing over me as I was injured and sick in 2 separate occasions in the past 2 weeks. And I'm not used to it anymore.

It was an odd feeling to have someone worry about you just because you were sick or injured. From where I was coming from, I had steeled myself over the past year or so to not expect or depend on other people for help or sympathy (beyond the norm) whenever I was sick - and since I'm the type of person who gets sick easily but gets well easily (as opposed to some folks who rarely get sick, but when they do, are bedridden for about 1-2 weeks), I had a lot of opportunities to get used to it. Also, as a habit, I rarely if ever inform my parentals about my being sick because they just worry to the high heavens, as parents are prone to do (which often includes a mini-sermon from my dad about taking better care of myself - yes, that's how my dad expresses his love for me!). So the usual habit for me was to pop a few meds, drink a lot of liquids, and just try to sleep it out till I get better after a couple of days - no fuss.

An odd feeling it may be, since I haven't had anything like this in quite some time - but I must admit that it's a nice feeling to have someone fuss over you. Some doctors MAY argue that it doesn't do anything to make you get better, but it sure does make me FEEL better - which, in my book, is half the battle.

So a big thanks to Gail for fussing over me - you may think that you're not doing enough, but trust me - you are. MORE than enough. :)

And yes, that's definitely a good thing. :)

Holy Week Travel

The Holy Week just ended, and I fully expected to spend it as I spent the last 5 Holy Weeks - staying at home. You see, in this great country of ours (for the foreign folks who read my blog), Holy Week is also known as the Great Traffic Jam Outside of Manila. Almost everyone travels to visit relatives or to just take a vacation.

Not me - I always treated Holy Week as a break from the world, so I usually just spent it at home with the parentals. We would just go do the traditional visita iglesia OR do the Stations of the Cross on Maundy Thursday and stay at home on Good Friday.

This year, however, my dad requested that we all go to Baguio, as it's his last year before he officially retires from his office. So I said "why the hell not?" and decided to go with them - then they told me that we would be leaving on Maundy Thursday.

Good Lord. That's the equivalent of taking a nice quiet stroll at the Korean DMZ.

To make a loooooong trip short, the trip to Baguio took us 9 bloody hours. Yes, 9 hours to travel 300 kilometers (which included an hour's worth of lunch). To give you perspective on how bad it was, during my last trip to Pagudpod (~600 kilometers from Manila), it took me 8 hours to get there.

Plus I forgot to fully charge my iPod. Argh.

The trouble spots were NLEX because of a) numerous stalled vehicles, especially one that involved an 8 car pileup, b) the long line at the Dau tollway (5 kilometers!), and c) the SCTEX toll entry from NLEX (25 minutes!). To be fair to the NLEX management, they did an excellent job of managing the traffic during Holy Week - all stalled vehicles had at least one patrol car along with the proper orange cones for safety, AND at the Dau tollway, they were physically managing the traffic by coordinating the merging of cars as one approaches the tollway itself. PLUS they had numerous employees ranging ahead to collect toll fees. PLUS they all had a positive cheery demeanor that you really didn't feel the urge to lash out at them. The NLEX problem was really brought about by the volume of cars - which, given that it was the middle of Holy Week, should've been expected.

SCTEX was another matter. For some insane reason, it took us 25 minutes to get our toll card - we were debating why it was taking so long (my mom was saying that maybe they were collecting the payment already) but as we arrived at the toll, the lady did *something* to the card (either swiped it OR printed something, since I heard a dot matrix printer) then handed it to me. It took her about 7 seconds to do that - which, in my opinion, was idiotic. Why do you need to do something to a card that comes from just ONE location and the payment system was based on where you entered?! The SLEX system uses the same payment system - but when you get up to the toll, they just hand you a magnetic card that's pre-encoded with the entry point where it was handed out. No fuss, no delay. SCTEX should fix that system - it was the one fault that they had.

Anyhow, after spending just 41 hours in Baguio (yeheesss, let's talk about payout, shall we?), we zoom zoomed to Manila, which took us just 6.5 hours. Not bad at all.

It would've been great if I was able to bring Gail along - but as my mother said, "since Chad and Gail aren't official yet, no one can bring their respective significant others as well." *lol* Now if that isn't an endorsement, I don't know what is. :P

Allow me one rant though, about motorcycles.

Everyone knows how motorcycles behave in this country - no need to go into that much detail about their generally despicable driving ethics. But take note of this pic:

Pardon the lousy shot, I had to shoot it through the tinted windshield of my dad's car.

Now if you're going to drive like a moron without any regard for manners or the proper and safe way of driving a motorcycle, at least have the effin' decency to wear a HELMET. Now, if you like living on the edge, that's fine - hey, it's your moronic life, not mine. But for the love of all that's holy - if you're going to compound your idiocy by making your CHILDREN ride a motorcycle with you, at least have THEM wear a bloody helmet!

*growl*

Ok, rant over.

It's been a while since I've purposely gone out for a photo shoot - hmmmm. Must schedule one soon. My DSLR's glaring at me already for ignoring it.

Of dogs and karts

Gail and I lead very disparate yet busy lives at work - Gail's job is about 20% office work and 80% fieldwork, involving restaurant visits everyday, and since most restaurants start to function at lunch time or in the afternoon, her work inevitably takes her all the way to the late evening.

I, on the other hand, have the more regular (a.k.a. "boring" in some circles!) work schedule of a roughly 9ish to 7ish in the evening. It's choke full of meetings and data analysis and more meetings, with the occasional fieldwork (both consumer and trade) about once every 2-3 weeks or so.

Needless to say, both of us have very busy work lives, so as much as possible, we try to "vege" it out during weekends or holidays. Which is exactly what we did during this long weekend prior to the Holy Week.

Last Monday, Gail and I decided to have a "Day of the Dog" and took Wuffles (Gail's shitzu) out for a walk at the Makati Salcedo park initially. Given Wuffle's perpetual state of hyperactivity, we figured that she'd enjoy the wide open spaces of the park...unfortunately, no dogs are allowed in the actual park itself. Boo! So we just took her around the park and nearby places.

Yes, Wuffles actually knows how to pose for the camera!

Taking turns!

*pant* *pant* *wheeze* *smile for camera*

After numerous incidents of "marking her territory," we decided not to push our luck and headed off to Gail's neighborhood for part 2 of the Day of the Dog. We toured Gail's place, which is an amazing neighborhood of contrasts - you'd see a wide range of house styles that seem out of place but they blend in really well. I wasn't able to take any shots as I opted to leave my camera in the car (given the numerous dogs that would range across the streets of her neighborhood, we had our hands full with Gail occasionally picking up Wuffles and myself attempting to stop other canines from pouncing on Wuffles!).

What's funny is that I'm quite familiar with her neighborhood from a work perspective - I had done numerous trade and consumer fieldwork in her area, from the Puregold to the public markets and side street sari-sari stores to the different fast food restaurants where we would have lunch. Again, it's pretty damn amazing that Gail and I had numerous - and I do mean numerous - opportunities in the past to have met up but never did. Whodathunk...

We ended the Day of the Dog after about 1.5 hours as Wuffles was panting like nothing...when we got back to Gail's place, Wuffles just ran to her water dish (despite giving her a lot of water while walking in Salcedo) and afterwards plopped down on the floor to rest. Gotta give it to the dog for being a very well-behaved trooper!

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Another thing we did to "vege" happened just last night - at the invitation of Gail's good friend Uichi, we decided to go karting! W00t! It was myself, Gail, Doc Harry, Uichi, and Uichi's cousin Jen (thanks Gail!).

Gail with Doc Harry (1st pic) and Uichi (2nd pic). Yes, the price of being a photographer is not appearing in your own pics...!

*zoom zoom!*

It was my first time to go karting, and damn it was fun! I was a bit hesitant at first since I still had to figure out the dynamics of the kart, but after a couple of rounds I was zooming down the track! Of course, I wasn't as good as Uichi (who must've lapped me at least twice!), but I'll get there with enough practice - and hell yeah am I coming back for more!

It's a nice gimmick for team building - P300 for 12 minutes, which may seem to be short, but I think it's just right. Any longer and the fun factor would go down and the pain factor would go up. Yes, pain - these karts aren't exactly equipped with power steering, so work out those laterals! But it's definitely worth it, so try it out for yourself!

Ok, enough blogging while at the office (ah heh!). Time to start working!

A different perspective on things

I had quite a busy day last yesterday (which was a Saturday). Did a mad dash with Gail around 4 events as part of her job's networking requirement. We started off in Prince of Jaipur for some model fashion show (where Gail introduced me to Max, the owner - one hell of a character!). Then off to Embassy for their 4th Year Anniversary (where we bumped into Anama, Gloria, Delbert, Karen, and 2 of Gloria's Nestle friends! Woot!) where we spent a total of, what, 30 minutes? :P Then a mad dash to Ascend to join Doc Harry and Jerome in Wave 89.1's 8th Year Anniversary, then finally a quick stop at Martini Bar for their 1st Year Anniversary. Phew!

And yes, this is still CHAD'S blog. :) You didn't mis-click or something.

"Chad? THE Chad? Clubbing? Going around different places? What the hell!?!?"

Yup, it's me. Despite my preference that I'd rather have a good conversation over a steaming cup of coffee, I've learned in the past few months that hey, occasionally, it's nice to just go around and just have fun. :D I've met so many different people in the past few months I still scratch my head trying to remember them all. I've met quite a few of the people that Gail tells me about in her stories, so I'm happy to be able to put faces to names. I'm also glad that experiencing this part of Manila's life has given me better perspective on Gail's work and social life - it makes me know and understand her more, and that's always a good thing.

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Another thing that was part of my busy day yesterday was my going to church with Gail at her church! It was a first for me - I must admit to feeling a little bit of trepidation as I entered (not knowing what to expect despite being briefed about it by Gail) but once service started, it was pretty cool actually. What I like about is it that it's a pretty young Church, hence the youth don't just participate on the fringes - they're actually a core part of the organization. :) For the first time in a long time, I actually listened to the FULL sermon, and when it ended, I was like "really? it's done! that was fast!" As Gail said, the sermons were cerebral (which I liked), simple (not much ceremonies) yet just as heartfelt as the ones in my Church.

It made me realize the truth of what I believe in - that all our different Christian denominations, all our different religions, all our different dimensionalizations of God/Lord/All Mighty Being/Mother Earth/what-have-you are just different ways of expressing our faith. By and large, once's religion is undoubtedly influenced by your geographical location (if you were born in the Philippines, chances are you'd be a Christian; if you were born in the Middle East, chances are you'd be a Muslim), but does it really matter as to *how* you express your faith?

This doesn't mean that faith is random, given the mulitple proliferations of religions and sects and churches around the world. Far from it. I just really believe that this means faith is universal. I personally believe that it doesn't matter how you picture God (as I call him) in your life and how you worship Him. If you believe Him to be true, and your faith and manner of worship does no harm to other people, then by all means, go ahead. :)

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I just wanted to thank Gail for sharing with me these parts of her life - I've learned quite a few things over the past few months, things which have broadened my perspective on quite a number of things. I've also learned so much more about Gail, which is always a good thing. :) Merci beaucoup Gail! :) *high five!*

What to blog about?

I was on a blogging holiday for a good 5 months...and boy quite a lot of things have happened. I've done so many things during that blogging holiday, and now that I'm back, I don't know what to write about.

Stuck in a moment! *arrrr*

Oh wait, that's right, I should be working coz I'm "working from home." Eh heh.

Be right back. With hopefully a sensible post. :P

The first note

On January 1, 2009, I decided to start living again.

After basking in the glow of the decision to start living again, I stopped. I told myself, "ok, so you decided to start living again. Good for you. Now how do you go about doing it?"

Damn good question. I find that I have this tendency to ask myself questions without knowing the answer (and, in the process, digging a deep hole for myself).

Took me a while to realize the answer to that (yes yes, the choice of the blog title was a lame effort to make it a bit more creative, but it wasn't exactly AN HOUR past dawn of the new year!), but I eventually did. The trouble stemmed from the confusion I had over my actions in the past 2.5 months of 2008 - was that not "living?" Weren't all my actions at that time counted as part of living again?

I realize now that it was not living. It was surviving.

It was surviving by cramming a lot of activities into a 24-hour time slot so as to forget the pain. It was surviving by throwing myself crazily into any activity at all that could keep my mind and body occupied so I wouldn't have to THINK.

But by the middle of December, I was starting to realize - in my heart, if not in my head - that what I was doing wasn't living. It wasn't life at all. It was a poor facsimile of life.

Not to belittle the heroic efforts of my family and friends - far from it. I would not have survived without all these people, and my realization does not in any way diminish the appreciation that I have for the few close friends who totally went out of their way to keep me alive, sane, and fit.

But life isn't just a list of activities that you do for the sake of doing it - that's just passing the time. Life is living each day of your life with passion - by doing something which you truly believe means something to you and would make you a better person. Life is living each day without knowing if the next day would ever come - and rather than letting it depress you, it galvanizes you to do better and better.

Poetic? Maybe. Crap? Not at all.

I'm not perfect at all - far from it. But I can proudly say that every day I'm a slightly better person than I was the day before.

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This is the first note in my new blog, and this blog signifies a new phase of my life. My old blog is still around and I've written my final note on that phase of my life. Yet before I close it off, I wanted to publicly acknowledge the few people in my life who helped me reach the hour past the dawn during the last 3 months of 2008 and even until today.

My mom, my dad, my sister. Despite my many screw ups in the world, at the first sign of a) emotional distress, and b) physical danger, my family was there every step of the way. Indeed, the only thing I regret was not bringing them into my life (well, parts of it) earlier. My mom, my dad, and yes, even my sister (who did not let distance or varied time zones get in the way dispensing sisterly advice) really formed a cordon around me, and woe betid the person who tried to hurt me or take advantage of me at that time. I had a lot of long (and way overdue) talks with my mom (who finally was able to play the role of my mom to the fullest, after years of trying to hold herself back!), my dad (who finally was able to tell me point blank what I needed to hear) and my sister (who, despite my lame attempt 18 years ago to hit her with a thrown flashlight, still stuck around and gave me her "ate" advice) and I tell you, I'm a much better person because of it. When there was a threat of physical harm to myself, they acted so fast that even I was dumbfounded. I wouldn't have survived without them - mom, dad, ats, in case you do get to read this (and even if you don't, fret not, I made sure to tell you anyway), thank you for being there for me.

Jay, Marvin, Doms, Allan, Peps, Aldrin. For all the pep talks, the drinks, the YM debates, SMS queries if I'm still ok, LAN sessions, and the reminders that I deserve better in life - thank you. I understand why you all decided to not tell me what you knew in the past, and it's all effin' forgiven. But do that again and I'll do worse things than leave you behind in Left4Dead. :P

Anama, Anj, Gloria, Falqi, Mars, Jill, Paulo, Jobim, Mike, Legs, Kichi. Since I spend a significant amount of time in the office (at least 10 hours a day), I spent a lot of time with you in OND08, and bloody hell did you all make sure that I kept myself sane. Thank you for filling up my days and nights with different activities - airsoft, basketball, ultimate, running, dinners, movies, roadtrips, insta-clubbing nights. But beyond that, thank you for reminding me that I shouldn't bloody be lowering my standards at all, and for being the constant reminder that yes, it wasn't all my fault.

Anama and Anj. Specifically for choosing to still be my friends despite the threats to life and limb that you received because of your association to me. Yes, we all know it was funny, but I was honestly worried that you would distance yourself from me because of that, and I wouldn't be able to blame you if you did. So thanks. High five!

Pat, Essa, Roy, Ekis, Tito Monch, Ria, Sol, Nines, Benj, Vickie, Lerie, Obi. Yes, to my Wine-and-Cheese group. For all the emails, SMS messages, and frequent dinners that we've had. You guys are my moral compass. Thank you. 'Nuff said.

2009 brought in so much more people into my life whom I've known and become close to in various degrees. And of course, 2009 was the year that introduced me to Gail (more on her in subsequent posts!). But that is a whole different story, which talks about not just how I decided to live again, but how I went about it as well.

Yes, I'm back to my old (yet new!) blogging self. :)